If you have seen my previous posts you will know I have been having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for my social anxiety. I had CBT for several months on a weekly then fortnightly basis. I couldn’t tell you how many months because I simply can’t remember but it felt like a long time.
At the start of my therapy I had really really bad social Anxiety. By bad I mean I couldn’t even leave the house alone. My mum had to come everywhere with me from medical appointments to shopping. I hardly left the house, only when I needed to. Maybe once a fortnight at a push. It was hell. I had so much motivation caused by my Bipolar yet I had no outlet. I was going insane. Literally fucking crazy. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was going to be sick, faint, have a heart attack or die if I left the house alone. I couldn’t even meet friends. I am in my early 20s and I couldn’t even meet my own friends, how ridiculous is that?
Throughout CBT I didn’t think it was working at all. I’m not going to lie some weeks I didn’t even complete the tasks I was advised to do. I thought it was all bullshit. Just another stupid thing they have you doing to waste your time. I rushed through my appointments and dreaded doing the tasks. It was so tormenting. I had to do it to get better but doing it made me so Anxious that I felt like I was going to die. I got set tasks like ringing so many people one week, to driving to so many new places the next. I had to write it down on a piece of paper to keep track of what I had done and how it had made me feel. I managed to complete all tasks set unless I purposely didn’t do them because I didn’t want to.
Now my CBT has finished I can finally say it did actually work for me. I can go out alone and meet friends. I can drive new places by myself. I am a much more independent person than before and it’s great. I won’t say its easy because it’s far from it. It is so hard to drive somewhere new. So nerve-wracking and drags up all the feelings that Anxiety causes. Just not as bad as before. I don’t feel like I’m going to die, I can finally think logically. I might panic thinking I will crash my car or my friends wont turn up but I’m able to logically give myself a solution if these things happen whereas before I would be so wound up with Anxiety that I’d just think I was going to have a heart attack or die.
If you have the opportunity to have CBT, please do! It may not seem like it will work at first and it may not actually work. The same things don’t work for everybody but god it’s worth a try. It hasn’t cured my social anxiety but it has made my life worth living and that is a blessing in disguise.
Have you ever had CBT therapy?
Jenna Von x